kiss me and i'm going to pretend that i don't want you. she's watching, you know. and i want to feel your recoil. to watch you push back your hair in discomfort. i want you to purse your lips after and feel obliged to stay that way. i want to be drunk enough to look at you and know. i want you to be drunk enough that you won't immediately change your mind upon contact. i want to meet eyes with her and go right back to you. i want it all. i want it all.
you gave me taste and i just threw out your toothbrush
the metal garbage can sprung to life with thick sound
you started going to bed at 9:30 which was something
black that kept a stare
and i shooed it away to hide under a dancer's
tactless love
and it lay there
and it rot
keeping pace with you quite literally
and now i find myself
missing you in the sense that you've rented a car
went on a road trip by yourself and i am
waiting for you to come home
i am nearing the edge of my seat and i
cannot fathom another week of this
i pace like your thoroughbreds
the metal garbage can sprung to life with thick sound
you started going to bed at 9:30 which was something
black that kept a stare
and i shooed it away to hide under a dancer's
tactless love
and it lay there
and it rot
keeping pace with you quite literally
and now i find myself
missing you in the sense that you've rented a car
went on a road trip by yourself and i am
waiting for you to come home
i am nearing the edge of my seat and i
cannot fathom another week of this
i pace like your thoroughbreds
in a chinese dive bar on st. clair. an aboriginal man is howling and whooping. he plays johnny cash on the juke box and keeps putting in credits. keeps asking me if i have any requests. still nothing, sir.
the two bartenders are chatting in high pitched yawing mandarin. sitting in the back not serving. watching the pool game. the chef reads the paper in the quiet kitchen. he goes for a cigarette and i see him kill it in two drags. makes me sick.
i see her going up the stairs every 20 minutes. my eyes follow her while my feet do not. i stay behind and such is my life.
everyone is laughing at me. a friendly cackle. oh you! goofy grins, crossing their arms and tapping their feet. i grieve. they know i do not sleep. haven't slept since i found myself in the hallway, alone and pining.
sitting on my lap she tells me to try her drink. it's red like her nose. she lists all the shots she's drank and i stop counting after 10. i have no more fingers. she thinks this is hilarious. i'm feeling rather rational and two dimensional. my body stiffens until it's no longer comfortable to sit on.
she gets up, turns around and looks at me as i grab my coat and keys. kiss the birthday girl on the cheek. leave.
sweet words float down the stairs. it sure is icy out there. i slide home safe.
everyone is laughing at me. a friendly cackle. oh you! goofy grins, crossing their arms and tapping their feet. i grieve. they know i do not sleep. haven't slept since i found myself in the hallway, alone and pining.
sitting on my lap she tells me to try her drink. it's red like her nose. she lists all the shots she's drank and i stop counting after 10. i have no more fingers. she thinks this is hilarious. i'm feeling rather rational and two dimensional. my body stiffens until it's no longer comfortable to sit on.
she gets up, turns around and looks at me as i grab my coat and keys. kiss the birthday girl on the cheek. leave.
sweet words float down the stairs. it sure is icy out there. i slide home safe.
i was at a chainsmokers concert and they were playing the set of their lives. everyone was dancing. i was dancing and i saw you dancing across the hall. i felt that you were literally the most beautiful person i have ever laid eyes on and i knew this because i didn't find anything truly aesthetic. when the show ended i met you in the back and you opened your arms and hugged me. said you'd see me around. maybe at the hospital but never late at night at the bar. you had gotten a new job and we were all very proud. we were drunk friends, you laughed. i was sad to see you go and i said so. i knew you had always been with other people but i always had avoided seeing anything.
the mall where the concert was being held was shutting down. i asked to take photos with the lead acts and they said no, they were in horrible moods and wanted to leave. so i left them. felt homeless for some reason. made a bed in the middle of the mall and watched the people walk on by. when i went to go home i realized i had no money so i sneaked onto a small single subway car. the driver didn't see me get on. it was some spirited away shit, let me tell you. all the passengers were transparent and silent. i got off the train at a stop sooner then i usually would. there were many physical obstacles to get through to the exit but i knew my friend was picking me up here so i had to go. piles and piles of exotic fruit. i took photos. stacked avocados and oranges. a wall of intricately placed bananas. it was so beautiful i almost forgot they were in my way. but as i walked closer i realized they weren't really in my way and i could walk around the piles fine. it had just appeared near impossible from where i was standing at the beginning.
the mall where the concert was being held was shutting down. i asked to take photos with the lead acts and they said no, they were in horrible moods and wanted to leave. so i left them. felt homeless for some reason. made a bed in the middle of the mall and watched the people walk on by. when i went to go home i realized i had no money so i sneaked onto a small single subway car. the driver didn't see me get on. it was some spirited away shit, let me tell you. all the passengers were transparent and silent. i got off the train at a stop sooner then i usually would. there were many physical obstacles to get through to the exit but i knew my friend was picking me up here so i had to go. piles and piles of exotic fruit. i took photos. stacked avocados and oranges. a wall of intricately placed bananas. it was so beautiful i almost forgot they were in my way. but as i walked closer i realized they weren't really in my way and i could walk around the piles fine. it had just appeared near impossible from where i was standing at the beginning.